u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Randomize
