I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
it's great music for shaving your balls
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
