My first STD was from a foam party
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
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