oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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