And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
If I die, sorry about rent.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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