i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
