I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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