Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
