He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
