mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
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