I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
