fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I'm sobbing to NWA
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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