so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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