remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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