Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
i wish my penis had a tongue
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
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