Do you still have your period?
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
