You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
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