Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
