Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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