I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
