I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
No subtext here. People are naked.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
