Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
