Do vagina's smell?
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Randomize
