Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
