i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
