Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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