Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Sorry about my life...
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
