I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I want to fling myself into the sun
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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