yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
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