at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
