i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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