roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
