Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Randomize
