Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Randomize
