yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Randomize
