Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
