you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
