every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Randomize
