we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
