haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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