How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
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