Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
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I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
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Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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