Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
