I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Randomize
