I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
NoShamevember. You game?
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
