Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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