my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
