My friends, they love my intelligence
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
