omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Randomize
