Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Randomize
