dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
