I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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