My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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