Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
