Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
