i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Randomize
