he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
