Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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