We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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