Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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