I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
