i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize