i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize
