road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
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