just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
