My sheets look like a crime scene.
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
This toilet bowl is my home.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
