I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
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