I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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