if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
