Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
