dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
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