Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
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