believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
