So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Randomize
